X-Men: First Class – Hit me baby one more time

"Canada is on our northern borders - who knew?' - Obligatory Google Image Hits Photo

“Canada is on our northern borders – who knew?’ – Obligatory Google Image Hits Photo

X-Men First Class – did you think so? I don’t care – as the saying goes ‘I made you look’ and that is all that matters to me, granted not to you.

I hope you don’t feel cheated that I lured you here in under false pretences? You were searching for this current big-grossing US box-office draw and I have peppered this post with such phrases to drive up the hit count on my blog whilst not providing you any new information on what you are looking for or indeed any information at all outside the words you Googled. You will pass on perhaps irked perhaps even cursing me but no matter whether you stayed with this post to its bitter end or no more than a nanosecond before clicking back to the Google page you came from it is all one hit for me.

At this juncture I will throw in the words Barack Obama, Sarah Palin and sex but be careful enough that their sequence is ambivalent enough to see me not sued for libel in the process of getting that hit. Sweet Lady Gaga Madonna how foolish that would be.

Pippa Middleton’s sister – obligatory Google Image Hits Photo Two

Like stating Cheryl Cole secretly wishes to marry Simon Cowell. Thankfully it is not a claim I am making just a string of words with search engine on its mind.

I now want to share a dream with you, a nightmare indeed. I am still a little shaken by it involving as it did US Representative Anthony Wiener doing unspeakable – so grateful to implicit not explicit speech – acts over images of Newt Gingrich’s spouse – I would say Callista but her husband is even more hit-worthy – more than compensating for any stray Calista Flockhart hits I pay pick up along the way.

The trick to be rolling in the deep is not to sledge-hammer in these phrases so that they seem like a contrived web-bot generated collection of random nonsense but that they read as if written by a human if with no more enthusiasm for the subject than a monkey typing away the proverbial thousand typewriters – sorry Apple iPads.

Before I go this just in on the Gossip Wire, Cloud Cuckoo Land, I can reveal that Kate Middleton, future UK Queen no less,  indulges in extreme couponing. A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace commented ‘We really are all in it together’. Okay now I am just being silly.

Yes everything in this post was a big fat lie.